As Bad As it Gets
by AnnonymousOne
Summary: A look into Ash Ketchum's twisted life as he struggles through his personal obstacles. WARNING: RATED M Finally Chapter 7!
1. Chapter 1

_As this is my first fanfic, please review! I set this story to before Ash Ketchum begins his journey to Shinou (upcoming new episodes in Japan). Rated M for language._

**Disclaimer**:**I do not own anything of Pokemon**

Ash Ketchum, our idiotic protagonist opened his eyes in frustration at the intruding sunlight coming in from his bedroom window. His head throbbing, giving the obvious sign of a hangover. His mother came in with her damn annoying hum sighed as she observed the beer cans and bottles just thrown around his room.

"Ash honey, you _know_ that you are underage for drinking alcohol." Ash sat up from his bed, gave her the 'do you think I fucking care look?' and grabbed a new can from his six-pack. "Ash did you here me? I'm your mother and as the one that houses you, I suggest you listen young man!" That was enough to get him motivated. He started what most of his friends disdainfully call it 'The Ass Rant.' "Mom, #1) It's been over 7 years since my public debut so I should be old enough, #2) I rarely come in the goddamn house, and #3) HOW THE HELL DO YOU KEEP THIS PLACE WHEN YOU HAVE NO FUCKING JOB!

His mother began sobbing and ran out the room for Ash to only roll his eyes and mutter "nagging bitch."

The phone began ringing. Ash eyed the caller ID and saw that it was none than May, the other bitch he was forced to be associated with. Probably calling to brag about some damn contest,... or worse. He cringed, remembering how she tried to make a move on him during their travels at the Battle Frontier. Oh how he hated to even think about that incident.

The phone rang again irritating him even more as he picked up the receiver only to get more pressure on his pathetic life, but thank God, it wasn't May. "Mr. Ketchum, I'm just calling to remind you that there will be a meeting tomorrow discussing your upcoming new season for the fourth generation of Pokemon." Ash grumbled, another season for people to watch him lose another tournament, oh joy. "Fine I'll be there," he hung up, " with my damn rifle that is."

**Sorry it this chapter was short, but it will get better in the next. R and R!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry about the hold up, (if any of you were reading this). My internet was having technical difficulties (glares at internet box). Also, the reason why I posted this story was to express how I feel about how Ash always loses an official tournament (not counting the Orange Islands). I'm willing to accept opinions from anyone on how they feel about this fic. I also recommend Ash/May fans to not read this fic. (You probably noticed in the first chapter, my bad.) Anyways on with Chapter 2!_

**Disclaimer: Again I own nothing of Pokemon. **

Ash busily loaded his beloved rifle intending on using it on whoever dared piss him off. As he was about to go through the door, his mother (Delia) sighed seeing the rifle, "Sweetie, must you always use the _extreme_ method of dealing with your problems?" Ash grumbled, "Fine." Throws down the rifle and pulled out a pistol. He turned to her, "Better?"

Delia sighed again "That's not what I …………" She was interrupted by a pathetic whimpering. Both of them looked down at a pitiful sight. Pikachu, Ash's first Pokemon, was lying facedown on the floor, cigarette buds scattered all around it. "DAMNIT PIKACHU! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! STOP LEAVING YOUR SHIT ON THE FLOOR!" Ash screamed. Pikachu looked up and just gave its trainer a pitiful look. Delia was more worried about the state it was in, "What happened to it?" Ash snorted, "Mom, welcome to main character life," he continued looking down at his broken spirited friend, "Those damn episode writers are always coming up with bullshit, and what importance are we? THE DUMBASSES THAT KEEP GOING ALONG WITH IT!

Delia jumped at his sudden outburst. Nowadays she was usually use to his behavior. She was caught off guard that time. Ash continued his 'Ass Rant' "It can't take this business anymore Mom! _I _can't take anymore of this! ARE THERE ANY VIEWERS WHO AT LEAST NOTICE THE PATTERN IN THE SERIES! Delia decided to walk out on this one "Fine honey, just calm down," she looked down at Pikachu again, "Since you're going out, I think you should take it so it could get fresh air, I don't think it had any in a while…." Ash grabbed a leash, fastened it on Pikachu, and began heading out. He began dragging the electric mouse out the door, while it was _still _laying facedown on the ground. Delia cringed at the sight before her, "Uh, honey………., make sure it isn't dead………." "Its fine," Ash retorted as he left.

Ash continued dragging his friend down the road through Pallet Town, journeying toward the building of his 'Superiors', which was still a couple of miles away. The only time Pikachu lifted its head up was when he spotted a Marlboro sign at a nearby shop. Ash was wandering of what kind shit he was in for, until he heard………….."Ashy! Ashykins!" Ash thought his heart stopped. For that moment he wanted to drop dead right there and then when he heard _it_ calling out to him. He turned around only to wish he hadn't. May Idontknowwhatthehellherlastnameis was running towards him at high speed with that even god murdering smile. Ash fumbled into his pocket for his pistol, pulled it out and pointed it at her. She came to an abrupt halt right in front of him, standing right _on _top of Pikachu. The poor thing was too depressed to notice. "Ashy sweetheart, I was looking _all _over for you!" she said with that voice so shrill Ash nearly pulled the trigger. "You have 5 seconds to get the hell away from me," Ash calmly threatened through gritted teeth, tightening his grip on the gun. May, as dumb as she is, took it as a game. "Quit messing around snoogywuggims, you wouldn't open fire on me," she said, batting her eyelashes at him. Ash cringed in utter disgust, "How much do you wanna bet bitch?" May just giggled and glomped him. Ash, utterly shocked from the 'surprise attack' accidentally pulled the trigger, wasting a bullet in the air. The bullet hit a Beedrill nest, which caused them to begin swarming out attacking the town. People ran screaming bloody murder as they ran from the oversized bees.

For some reason every time May touched Ash, let's just say unlucky bystanders get a taste of the Apocalypse. Ash was furious. He _still _had to go to that damn meeting with his episode writers, his Pikachu had lost sense of itself, he was being harassed by the red demon, and his hometown was in complete chaos, what over shit can go wrong? His thoughts were answered when he saw a certain Meowh balloon floating towards them. Ash wanted to shoot himself in the head for even wandering. "_Awwwwwwwwwww fuckit……………….."_

**And that's Chapter 2! To those who are reading it R & R! Will try to update soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm back! Nothing much to say but thanks for reading! Here is Chapter 3! Again I apologize to May fans, I like her, but she just sometimes annoy me in a way. _

**Disclaimer: Once AGAIN I do not own anything of Pokemon. **

Ash looked on at the Meowth balloon floating towards him. Today was _really _getting out of hand. Team Rocket, (Jessie, James, and Meowth), the dumbass trio who always follow him no matter _where _he goes, just had to come and make his day even worse. Ash was regretting very badly for leaving home. If only he knew, none of this shit would be even happening. Ash rolled his eyes, he was willing to press charges on them for constant harassment. He just never got around to doing it. Now, he really wished he did.

The team laughed their annoying 'so called' evil laugh as they landed in front of the small group. "Finally! We found the twerp!" Jessie (who Ash nowadays refers to as 'The Whore') cackled gleefully. "You know the drill!" James replied. "Prepare for trouble!" Jessie cried. "Make it double!" James recited. "To prote-"………….'**BANG! BANG! BANG!" **Ash had fired three rounds from his pistol at Team Rocket, totally interrupting their usual motto. Team Rocket looked down horrified at the young maniac with the gun. Ash on the other hand was pissed, "DAMNIT! I missed them! One of those bullets could at _least_ hit one of them!" Team Rocket began their usual rant of complaints. "Hey! You nearly hit us you little fuck!" Jessie screamed angrily. "Yeah, what the hell is your problem?" James whined.

Ash gave them all a dumbfounded look, "You know, as many times as you guys recited that GODDAMN motto, it doesn't take a damn genius to know when to shut the fuck up!" "We _need _the motto!" Meowth shot back, "It's our trademark pri-"……..**'BANG!' "**SON OF A BITCH!" all three of them screamed. Ash, now more pissed off than before, had fired again at Meowth cutting him off. "Look, I _really_ do not have time for your bullshit right now," Ash said calmly, "just leave me the hell alone, I have other problems to deal with." He glared at May who was giving him a starry eyed look. Jessie just snorted at him, "We're not going anywhere until we catch our Pikachu!" They all looked over to Pikachu, who was now putting its nose in a recently used ashtray. Ash sighed at the creature's severe addiction to nicotine. "Besides," Jessie continued, "we labored long and hard to purchase our newest mecha!" "This is bound to pay off for all the work we have done!" James gloated. The three began laughing, yet again.

"Oh let me guess, prostitution and selling crack?" Ash asked sarcastically. Team Rocket stopped laughing abruptly, stared horrified at Ash, and gave each other shifty looks. Ash got the message and gave them a dirty look, "You know what? _All_ three of you fuckin disgust me." The guilty silence continued for another ten minutes until Jessie shook it off, "It doesn't matter!" "We have the key to your ultimate defeat!" James shouted. Ash snorted, "We'll just have your asses flying off again after we blow whatever piece of shit you throw at us yet again," he paused, "Oh by the way, happy anniversary! It must fucking suck to be you!" Meowth snickered, "Suck on this asswipe!"

He took out a remote control and pushed a button. A rumbling sound was heard. They then noticed from a distance that something large was coming their way. The large object was silhouetted by a huge cloud of dust. It came to a halt beside Team Rocket. As the dust cleared, Ash's eyes widened with shock and utter terror. The mecha was a designed resemblance of _May_. May was not thrilled herself, "THAT PIECE OF JUNK DOES NOT HAVE MY LOOKS!" Ash was too terrified to realize what she said. Pikachu was _still_ sniffing in the ashtray. "Not so cocky now huh twerp?" Jessie sneered, "Do it Meowth!" she ordered. Meowth began operating buttons and the mecha began moving its arms and making May-like squealing noises.

From pure instinct, Ash tried to fire a shot at the mecha, but only to find out he was out of ammo. Then, he did the unexpected. He dropped his pistol, began screaming like a girl, and began running in the opposite direction from the Mecha-May, as Team Rocket called it. He came to an abrupt halt when he realized he was running _towards _the real May and turned around _again_. Within the next few minutes, Ash found himself running back and forth over and over again from the real May, to the Mecha-May, and back again. If anyone else was standing around watching the bizarre scene, he/she would flat out find it ridiculous. How will Ash get out of this one?

**And that concludes Chapter 3! Hoped you liked it! Find out what happens in the upcoming Chapter 4, and as usual please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Yet again I have uploaded another chapter! Here is Chapter 4! Sorry it took so long._

**Disclaimer: AGAIN I own nothing of Poke-…..hell you get the idea. **

Ash continued his constant running back and forth,……….and screaming. Part of him wanted to just get the hell out of there. Another part of him wanted to kill Team Rocket for mentally assaulting him. The trio were laughing their asses off at the sight before them. They were so amused at Ash's frightened behavior that they forgotten they were actually there to capture Pikachu. "Time to take the mecha for a spin!" Meowth cried, activating its auto-attack (whatever) button. The mecha sprouted wheels and began dashing after Ash just to torment him even more. Ash noticed the machine speeding towards him and hid behind May, hoping the thing would at least kill her first. May grabbed on to him screaming, "Ashy Poo! Save me from that awful thing!" Suddenly 'the touch of Doomsday' worked its magic again.

All of a sudden the robot fell over sideways smashing the ashtray Pikachu was sniffing. Pikachu then did something it hasn't been doing in a while, it stood up, let out a rather hair-raising snarl, and volt-tackled the mecha, causing it to explode. Team Rocket were shocked now that their precious key to victory diminished. "DAMNIT!" Jessie screamed, "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE PUT INTO THAT MECHA?" All of a sudden a car screeched to a halt in front of the group. The door opened and a man in a purple suit carrying a cane stepped out. Ash and May stared. "_This just gets weirder and weirder."_ Ash thought. The pimp pointed his cane at the Rockets "There ya are bitches!" he yelled, "I've been looking all over for y'all!" Ash turned to Team Rocket who were hiding (well, trying) inside the Meowth balloon.

"Tryin' to hide from me huh?" he continued, "No one gets away from (excuse my lack of experience with these pimp names) Pimp Daddy Mac!" Whimpers were suddenly heard from the balloon. Ash remembered the fact that they _are _prostitutes and assumed that this is _their _pimp. He grinned in amusement at the scene, maybe things were changing around for once. PDM lit a cigarette. Pikachu perked his ears up and looked straight at him. PDM glared at Team Rocket, "I believe all three of y'all have my money!" The trio were stunned with fear, "Shit!" James whined "Do you know what _he's _going to do to us when he finds out we spent the money on the mecha! We need to get the HELL out of here!" Meowth on the other hand was rolling around in distress on the ground. Jessie however kept her cool, "We're lucky that I installed this!" She pushed a button and the bottom of the balloon sprouted jet pack appendages.

The balloon began zooming off. PDM cursed, flicked his cigarette away, got into his car and zoomed off after them, leaving Ash in a large number of thoughts. One of them was how the hell did Meowth become a prostitute? Another was how twisted can they get? Pikachu however was busying himself with the discarded ashstick. Ash was so deep in thought, that he forgot that May was still clinging on his arm. Noticing, he shrieked and threw her off in disgust. May looked up at him and pouted, "Oh Ashy! Do you have to play hard to get? You know you like me." Ash currently was wishing he did not listen to his mother and brought the rifle anyway, right now, he needed it BAD. She ran forward intending on once again glomping him. He put his arms up in a desperate attempt to defend himself when she stopped and noticed a sale sign on a nearby clothes shop. She quickly ran over in excitement. Ash breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Thank God for the relationship between women and shopping. He suddenly remembered he still had a conference to be at. The anger returned to him, those asses had a lot of explaining to do for making his life down in the dumps.

He was about to walk off when a car screeched to a halt beside him. Delia Ketchum poked her head out the driver's side window. "Ash, get in the car right now! I'm taking you home!" she commanded. Ash threw off the BIGGEST 'Ass Rant' so far in history. "DAMNIT MOM!", he yelled, tears stinging his eyes, "THIS WILL PROBABLY BE THE ONLY TIME I GET TO STRAIGHTEN THIS BULLSHIT OF A ANIME OUT!" Delia was trying her hardest to keep calm, "I called your associates, they agreed to postpone the meeting for later," Ash stared down at the ground. Delia continued, "I know they were not that fair to you, but throwing tantrums, threatening them at gunpoint, and going _insane_ is not going to make things any better!"

Ash continued staring down at his feet. As much as he did not want to admit it to himself, he knew she was right. "Alright Mom, I'll calm down." Delia sighed relieved that he finally listened to her. All of a sudden a limousine stopped beside them. Ash and Delia stared with curiosity. The door opened revealing Tyson the trainer that (if you ask me) defeated Ash by luck and won the entire Hoenn league. He appeared to be accompanied by a group of girls. "Hey Ash!" he asked with glee, "How's life treating you? I'm living it up!" Ash all of a sudden was furious _again,_ "That BASTARD!" Delia began to restrain her son, at least preventing him from putting Tyson in a coma. "LET ME GO MOM! I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS!" The limo quickly drove off, as poor Ash sobbed on the ground, Delia, embarrassed at her son's behavior, and Pikachu, well……still smoking.

**Not my best, but that was Chapter 4. Will update again later, and also, please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

_Finally I decided to get off my lazy butt and post this chapter up. Hope it was better than chapter 4 because I personally wasn't satisfied with it. On with chapter 5!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it! What else would I say!**

Sunrise had awakened our agitated protagonist as he sat up in his bed still sleepy. Ash looked at his clock reading 7:00 a.m. He really had to conclude his mind. Maybe today would be better for a change.

He went to his window to pull the curtains to let the sunlight in, only…………….."ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Anyone could bet the whole town heard that frightened scream. Flocks of Pidgey and Spearow took flight from their roosts. Other wild Pokemon were stampeding away from the area, startled by the sudden uproar. In his lab, Professor Oak looked up from his dirty magazine, "What the fuck was that?"

Ash, who only wanted to innocently open his curtains just to get his day started was looking at _pure_ terror. May was standing right outside his window, peering inside with that _look_ he hated so much. What scared him even more was to wonder how long she was standing out there. Delia came in with a broomstick with a serious look on her face. "Ash, are you alright? Did someone break into the house?" she asked worriedly. Ash turned to his mother wide-eyed, "MOM! LOCK ALL THE DOORS AND WINDOWS AND SEAL ANY CRACKS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HURRY UP!" he screamed frantically. Delia peered out the window, "Isn't that your friend May?" she asked. Ash was already on pure instinct and searching his closet for an appropriate weapon for his _dilemma._ Delia glared at her son, "Ash! For crying out loud it's just May! She's all the way out here in Kanto and probably has no where to go. Let's just give her a place to stay and………"

"MOM, IF YOU VALUE YOUR _SANITY_ AND YOUR _LIFE_, DON'T YOU DARE LET HER IN THE DAMN HOUSE!" Delia sighed and ignored him and headed for the front door. Ash was losing it already, "MOM! DO YOU HEAR ME? I SAID DON'T LET THAT BANSHEE IN! Pikachu came in the room with a lit cigarette, wondering what all the commotion was about. "PIKACHU, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL FOR ONCE AND ZAP THAT BITCH TO HELL INSTEAD OF SUCKING THOSE FUCKING ASHSTICKS!" Ash screamed, desperate for hope. Pikachu just gave him a blank look and walked away. Ash was already in tears from all the frustration, "YEAH SCREW YOU TOO!"

Delia opened the front door greeting May, "Hello May nice to see you again!" "Hello Mrs. Ketchum, is Ashy-Poo home?" (_Now why the fuck would she ask that after the window incident?_) Delia nervously eyed Ash who was loading a newly polished magnum, "Errrrrrr, one moment please dear……" Delia shut the door on May. From outside the house cursing and yelling was heard and also what sounded like a brief struggle. The door opened again and Delia appeared, her hair was a little messed up and she was panting, holding the gun she took away from Ash. She then put on an exhausted smile, "Uh, May, we're about to have breakfast, would you like to join us?" May looked as though everyone else on the rest of the earth just willingly decided to kiss her ass, "I would _love_ to dine in the home of my beloved sweetheart!" Delia turned around to see Ash banging his head on the wall, hoping by doing that it would put him out of his misery. _Why_ was it his destiny to be everyone else's bitch?

Later at breakfast, Delia was serving her delicious fry up to everyone. Ash sat across from May since that was the farthest he can get from her at the table. May kept batting her eyes at him as he gave her the look of death. Delia sat down to eat herself, "So May? What brings you back here in Kanto again?" she asked curiously. _"Stalking me."_ Ash thought. May put on one of her stupid grins, "Well, you know, wherever my heart goes is where Ash goes!" she giggled annoyingly. Ash was concentrating on stabbing his eggs numerous times, wishing it was her face. Delia was lost for words, "Well, uh, that's very romantic of you to, uhhhh, follow him here." Ash wanted to smash his plate on his mother's skull. May continued her killer conversation, "We both _do_ have a thing for each other, Ash is just being shy. We'll get married and………….." While she continued this fantasy, Ash and Delia were having a game of tug-a-war, their arms were under the table trying to pry Ash's magnum from each others hands. May was just too stupid to notice.

Ash was hysterical, if things were already this bad in the morning why not something else happen? From outside a bang was heard, then suddenly…………**CRASH!** Something had blown a gigantic hole in the wall of their house. Everyone ducked for cover. "What in God's name?" Delia started. Ash couldn't help but cry, someone out there must have cursed him and was laughing his/her ass off at him. Why was this happening?

**Chapter 5 is finally finished! I will upload another chapter. You know what to do, starts with an 'R'. **


	6. Chapter 6

_Yes I finally updated people. This sitting fanfic now has a new chapter. Sorry to keep everyone waiting, I had loads of schoolwork to keep up with. _

**Disclaimer: Yeah like I really own a multi-billion dollar franchise but spend my time writing fanfics. I don't own it people. **

Well this was a perfect morning for Ash. First the damn stalker invaded his territory, now some jackass just blew a hole in his wall. Ash peered out to see whose head he should bite off and Delia inspected the damage. Ash saw who it was and squinted his eyes in pure anger. Gary Oak was standing right outside his house along with his Blastoise. His cheerleaders (_in Ash's case Gary's whore squad)_ were out in the front yard chanting their goddamn annoying cheers. "So _Ass,_ are you feeling honored that I'm using _your_ house as target practice?" Gary sneered. "Fuck off _Gay_ry, or your going to end up as my gun's bitch!" Ash yelled holding up his magnum in a threatening way. Gary just snorted, "You're just mad because you're always portrayed as the main male character of an anime that sucks ass." Ash gritted his teeth and said surprisingly calmly, "Don't you EVER let that pass through your lips again." Gary gave Ash one of his trademark smirks, "I don't have time for this anyway, making fun of you is starting to become a bore."

Ash turned and looked at the damage Gary's Blastoise caused to his house. He gave Gary a pissed look, "You better pay for this shit that you've done to our house!" Gary just looked at the large hole like it was nothing, "All you have to do is put a few boards over it, house is a dump anyway." He looked at Ash and smirked again, "what are you going to do to me if I don't? The 'I'm going to kill you' threats are getting old." For the first time in a while Ash smiled, though it wasn't a good sign. "Okay Gary, do you know about all of those yaoi fics about us floating around out there? If you don't pay for the wreckage, I'll personally go up to the media and admit there is a serious relationship going on between us, even though it isn't true. At these words, Gary's heart suddenly stopped. His cheerleader's began gagging and coming down with seizures at the thought. Gary gave Ash a crazed look, "ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND!!? YOU WOULDN'T DARE!! EVERYONE WILL HAVE FUNNY THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AS WELL!!!!" Ash crossed his arms, "I know, but its well worth all the humiliation. You are talking to a pro who does get humiliated a lot remember?"

Gary remained silent for a solid ten minutes. He then looked up at Ash, "Fine, I pay for the mess I caused." He then suddenly smirked again, "I should be going now, I mean, how else are your girlfriend and you are going to enjoy the little gift I sent in for you two?" Ash gave Gary a very confused look. Suddenly May ran out with something in her hand. "Ashypoo!! Someone sent this _very_ romantic book for us!!!" She held it up so Ash could read the title. His eyes widened horrified as the title read 'Bondage, Your Partner, and You.' May was smiling wickedly, "You thinking what I'm thinking my sweet Ashy?" Delia, who was watching the whole situation was going through phonebooks, trying to find a decent shrink for her psychotic son before anything worse happened. Furious, Ash, after reading the title of the eh... relationship book, whirled around only to see Gary already zooming off in his convertible, laughing at Ash's misery. "DAMN YOU GARY!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter to those who are reading it. I promise to make the next one even funnier when I update this fic. Currently I'm looking in to making the plot even better.


	7. Chapter 7

_And here's that time again when I have nothing better to do but upload a new chapter._

_To all the kiddies out there, ADULT CONTENT, don't read!_

**Disclaimer: (bangs head on desk ) I bang don't bang own it.**

After the previous day's events, a new morning shone upon the little town of Pallet. Ash slept peacefully, not wanting to awaken back into the harsh reality. He always wished every slumber he took would be permanent. Last night, he went to bed more bushed than usual. He assumed that it was the constant use of his energy for being pissed at multiple people all the time. Still with his eyes closed, he yawned and stretched, but he felt something next to him that was NOT familiar. At first he assumed it to be Pikachu, but it was larger and making him nervous by the minute.

Ash did not want to even look to find out whatever it was. He cringed, and slowly turned his head to see May, sleeping next to him, in his bed. Ash let out a terrified scream and practically dove out of the bed. May eyes fluttered open at the sudden outburst. She sat up and smiled with glee at her 'beloved Ashypoo.'

"

Morning Honeykins, did you sleep well?" May asked lying back down with one arm supporting her head, the other making circular motions in the sheets with her finger.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!!!!!" Ash screamed. He then noticed that he was stark naked. He looked at May horrified only to see she was nude as well. He felt as though he were about to have a heart attack and a stroke at the same time.

"MAY, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!!!!"

May looked up at him with a gleeful glint in her eye, "Oh face it Ashypoo, we had a _wonderful_ time last night!" She smiled seductively.

Ash's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. He began gasping and clutching his chest when the clues were finally coming together, "Oh no………we didn't………"

"We DID!" May screamed joyfully, glomping Ash in the process as he sobbed like a girl going through depression stages. She pointed at a video camera, "I even taped the whole 'love making' experience, after all, it was our first time!" This made Ash sob even harder.

Confused and mentally dying at the same time, he was desperately trying to figure out how the hell did she 'assault' him while he just slept right through it. Solid, videotaped proof was the last thing he wanted to smack him in the face.

May seemed to have read his mind, "Those roofies I snuck in your beer actually worked!" She smiled triumphantly, "Like Gary said they would!"

Ash felt yet another wave of anger come over him, "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BASTARD!"

Delia suddenly rushed in the room, startled by the early commotion, only to find two adolescents, both naked, one crying with rage, the other apparently joyful. Figuring out the situation instantly, she automatically went into mother instinct.

"Ash, what the hell?!! Didn't we already have this discussion about girls and sex?!!" Delia shouted, looking at her enraged son.

"TALK TO MS. SLUT OVER HERE!! SHE WAS THE ONE THAT DRUGGED AND RAPED ME LAST NIGHT!!!!" Ash screamed back, as he tried desperately to pull May off him.

May, for some dumb reason suddenly had a dreamy look on her face. She looked as though she received the greatest inspiration. "You know what? I might have gotten pregnant by my Ashypoo!!!!" she yelled in excitement. Delia gave May a revolted look. Ash always said that May was a stupid crazy whore, and she was beginning to believe him.

Ash was beating his head multiple times with the window shutter, asking fate to just kill him. Pikachu was next to him, just smoking and watching the scene with a blank look on its face.

May was still squealing with sick delight, "Oh! I got to go to the Mart and buy a pregnancy test!!" Ash gave her a petrified look at her words.

May continued her rancid babbling, "If the results are positive, I going to tell everyone else the good news!" She quickly threw on her clothes and ran out.

That was the last thing Ash needed, for everyone to hear of his misery. Gary wouldn't let him hear the end of it, Max would be disgusted, Misty would have a heart attack, and Brock would kick his ass for getting laid before him.

Delia was having her own demons, she sat on Ash's bed, her face pale, shivering at May's words.

"I'm………I'm too young to be a grandmother!!!!" She began sobbing in her hands. Ash gave her a pissed look.

"Mom, that whore just violated me, does that mean anything to you?!!!!!!!" His mother ignored him, still sobbing. Pikachu sat next to her on the bed, flicked its cigarette on her lap and continued smoking.

Ash crossed his arms and sighed. Today is going to be a LONG day……………………..

**I never thought I would complete chapter 7 this early. Now to start working on chapter 8, however it will contain some spoilers for the next season of the anime currently airing in Japan, 'Pokemon Diamond/Pearl. Oh, R and R!**


	8. Chapter 8

_I never thought I would ever have time to continue this. Well, I can't let this just float around unfinished. Anyways, of course, here's Chapter 8. _

**Disclaimer: I don't one anything of Pokemon. If I did, honestly the series would be a smothering pile of crap. **

Well, things started real badly for our own Ash Ketchum as he stormed through the little town of Pallet determined to cause hell to the one who dared to piss him off to the limit. Professor Oak's lab came into view as he stomped up to it fuming.

With his trusty magnum in one hand, he used to other to bang on the front door of the well known building. Ash was really going to bust a cap up Gary's ass for this one. Just being a regular bastard was one thing, but causing you to get roofied by someone you dearly prayed to never have physical contact with was a whole different story.

Ash continued banging on the door until it finally opened. When he saw who answered, he sighed in deep annoyance. Tracey was standing there with one of those creepy smiles of his.

"Well, hello Ash darling, have you come to see Professor Oak?" Tracey asked in an unusually feminine tone. Ash cringed, "Uh…..hey Tracey, actually I was looking for Gary, you know where he is?"

Tracey smiled, batted his eyes, and ran a finger through his hair," You might want to ask the Professor because I don't know where he is," he then put on hand on his hip and used to the other as a gesture as he spoke," Oak is out back, currently he doesn't want any visitors, however I guess you're an exception."

Ash forced a smile and looked horrified at what Tracey was wearing, "Errr…Tracey? Aren't those shorts, well, too short for you?"

Tracey had on a rather skimpy pair of purple shorts Ash swore were made for women. Tracey gave a girly smile, "Well, I thought they really showed off the tone of my legs, don't you think as well?"

Again Ash forced a smile, "Yeah Tracey, err……… they do, well…uh I guess I better go see Oak now.

Tracey stepped aside to allow Ash in, "Oh do me a favor won't you Ash sweety? Tell Brock to call me, he never returns my calls."

Ash hid a small laugh, "Yeah, I'll do that for you, or as a better idea, how about I give you his chick cell number?"

Tracey smiled widely at this as Ash wrote down the number and gave it to him, "Thanks Ash, you don't know how much this means to me."

Ash continued to hide his laughter, "Yeah whatever." As Ash was going down the hallways he couldn't help but grin. Pissing Brock off was a habit of his.

He walked up to the door of Prof. Oak's office. Before his hand could touch the knob, he heard the old geezer mumbling to himself. Curious he pressed his ear against the door. "Good God she has some nice knockers up there, man I would………………."

Having enough, Ash abruptly kicked the door down only now wishing he didn't. Professor Samuel Oak was sitting in his chair, reading a Hustler magazine, with his pants halfway down.

In utter silence, they both stared at each other until……..

"WOULD YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!!!!!!" Professor Oak roared while fumbling with his pants to pull them up.

Ash narrowly dodged a textbook that was thrown at him, "Well _sorry_," Ash replied his tone dripping with sarcasm," I had no idea that interrupting someone jacking off was severely life threatening."

Prof. Oak, still furious, buckled up his pants and put the dirty magazine in his desk drawer with a slam. "I told that damn fruitcake of an assistant to not let anyone in! If he wasn't a guy it would be the duck tape and I'd…………..

Oak suddenly stopped and looked over at Ash who looked back bugged eyed. "Ummmm, you didn't hear me say that."

Ash shook himself out of his stupor, "I knew there was something fucked up about you, anyway, have you seen Gary?"

Oak rubbed his chin, "Actually he left for Sinnoh, he seemed like he was in a hurry." He shot Ash a suspicious look, "Why, are you trying to kill him again?"

Ash quickly put his magnum in his back pocket (A/N: don't ask me how) and said with false innocence, "No, I just wanted to catch up like old times."

Oak still gave him the suspicious glance," Well, he won't be back until next month."

Ash was furious as he fought to contain a straight face. _'DAMNIT!' _

Suddenly there was a small shuffle at the fallen door. Professor Oak and Ash looked down. Pikachu came in and it appeared to be holding an envelope.

Ash bent down to it, "Hey what do you have buddy?" Pikachu handed him the note trotted to a corner and lit a cigarette. Oak cringed, "You should really get it off the habit."

Ash wasn't paying attention, he was reading the note in shock. Oak looked on curious, "What? What is it?"

Ash handed him the letter completely pale. Oak looked down at down.

_Dear stupid twerp, _

_We have your girlfriend, was it Maggie? Mary? Oh right May. If you ever want to see her again, you have to confront us alone and comply to our demands. No cops, and don't even think about bringing that damn gun! _

_Sincerely you bastard, _

_ Team Rocket_

Oak looked up from the ransom note confused, "I thought you hated that annoying bitch?"

Ash pointed down to the line Oak missed.

_P.S. If don't come, we'll tell everyone about how you two screwed each other. _

"SHE RAPED ME!!!" Ash roared.

Once again, Ash is in that same old knot. Will he get out of this situation? Find out next chapter.

_Meanwhile in Pewter City……………….._

A cell phone rang in a certain squinty eyed gymleader's home.

Brock ran to answer the rarely called cell phone, "Finally! I knew one of those strippers would ring me up!!!"

But as Brock answered it……

"Hey Brocky!! I can't believe you finally decided to chat with me." Said a very girlish male voice. Brock's eyes nearly opened for the first time.

"Tracey what the hell!!!? How did you get this number?"

"Oh, Ash was sweet enough to give me your cell number, so, are we on for next Friday night?"

Brock was on the verge of murder. "DAMN YOU ASH!!!!!!!!!!!"

_Wow, I must say this is my longest chapter. Currently I don't know when I'll upload again. Anyways please R and R!!!!!!!!!_


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